i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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