He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
