first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just pee around me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
