I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
not ubering you a puppy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
