She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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