U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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