woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
