Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
