i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
