spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
