Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize