my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is the high leading the old right now
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
