Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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