He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
