i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
