I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
