White coat. Heels.
i just google imaged poop.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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