im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
