I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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