I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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