we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
