What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
