I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize