A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
