You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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