I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
