I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
