i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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