But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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