Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
