Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
