Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
