Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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