After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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