its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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