Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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