its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
