absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
only if we run a train.
done.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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