He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
