i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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