Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
