either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
