we have pet lesbian snakes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
