that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
