i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
