Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize