Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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