Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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