I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
