Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize