Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize