so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
