Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
