also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
