fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
