I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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