How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
