I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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