I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
