he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
