Sry I called you an 8
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
