is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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