I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
