ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
