we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Even my vagina gasped.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
