I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
