I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
