I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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