So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
