Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
