I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
