I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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