you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
