I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize