i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
