Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
