sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize