Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
