if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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