someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
