It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize