Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Too much gin, very little bucket
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
