I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
