My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
