dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
