chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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