The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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