So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
