You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
