Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize