....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
