I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
