Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
