Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
