The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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