Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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