i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
