I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
