I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
