A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
